Day 10 at PPD is almost over and I'm actually glad cuz first of all that means I'll be able to enjoy the outside in just 6 days and second of all I'll be able to shop -- yeah some things will NEVER change -- and third of all but basically MOST important I'll see the cutest boy on earth to me... My little angel Avi... :) I can almost feel his lil head resting on my shoulder or saying something silly or brushing my hair or just coming close to me and just giving me a hug for no reason...
He's such a HUGE blessing in my life and I can't imagine my life without him...
He changed me to the core and made me see a lot of things through his or just totally different perspective... Incredible thing... PARENTING....

Which leads me to another thought and BLESSING in my life... But starting at the beginning... When you think that you possibly can not endure any more pain in your unhappiness and think that all the door were shut just in front of your face one by one and think that there's no light at the end of the tunnel and you kind of try to settle for it (even though deep down inside you're praying to wake up or at least trying so hard not to believe in what's around you), GOD opens the WINDOW for you and lets the light appear to you...

And that's what happened to me... ONCE MORE in my life...
The day I decided to leave church, pack up my things and RUN -- that was something I was always good at, anytime there was something screwed up in my life beyond repair or when repair was just too difficult and I wasn't ready to swallow my pride (I think that one of those days I'll choke on it) -- I got asked to go to the RODEO by a friend that ended up telling me how he loves his family and spends Sundays with them and how important Sunday is to him, big meals that his family is eating every Sunday and how when he was on his mission in Argentina....
Ha ha ha....
HE was a MORMON...
Funny how mysterious are GODS' ways...
I opened up completely that night talking about what a lost cause I was and what kind of rollercoaster I was and about my marriage failing and most of all ME failing life and me failing being a mother right with it...

I guess the rest is the history because I'm with that boy up untill this day (and I guess when I'm bad I can always say I TOLD YOU SO) and have hope for a normal life and family and stability and LOVE...

And that brings me to another thought... I'm so thankful and grateful and full of love that I want to give some of that back to the world to people who are lost like I was or those who might think there's no light at the end of the tunnel, those who are helpless, lonely or in need...
And so this year during the XMAS SEASON I want to volunteer and give thanks to all I have by helping somebody else...

I actually did it in Humble last year along with my Mom where we were little elves finding presents for little kids... NOTHING filled me with more joy and gratitude that that experience and so this year I have so many things to be thankful for... :)